Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Back from Kilimanjaro


I returned from climbing Mount Kilimanjaro on February 27, 2008. The trip had a dramatic impact on me, and I am still trying to come to terms with the entire experience.

Never in my life have I been so singly devoted to a task. The focus that I maintained for 8 days--making it to the top of the mountain--was both liberating and demanding. Considering my usual, middle class, American lifestyle, devoted to absorbing and processing stimuli from many sources at the same time, the tunnel vision was a true vacation from the distractions of the mind. However, the effort was exhausting, 4 -10 hours of hiking a day, most of it done at elevations over 14,000 feet. My thoughts were devoted to walking slowly, breathing deeply, keeping warm or cool depending on the circumstances, and eating enough of the right foods to keep my engine humming.

The adjustment of returning to my family was difficult. They had continued with their lives, while I essentially put my own life on hold. It was the same at work with my staff. When I returned, I had many responsibilities to fulfill and I needed to make up for the tasks I had shirked while I was away. Yet, my tunnel vision remained, my focus refusing to broaden. Combined with my jet lag and physical exhaustion, I felt as if I was floating in an ether, seeing everything that was happening around me, yet not really fully integrated into the experience. It was a nice feeling, actually, very Zen.

I've tried to hold on to the feeling and have had some success, but slowly life has eroded my efforts to remain "present". However, several times during the course of each day, I am able to escape my thinking mind and reach outside of myself, viewing my circumstances and surroundings with detachment. I don't let experience alter the core of who I believe I am.

I'm in a better place now than before I went to Tanzania. In summiting the mountain and making peace with it, I have made peace with myself, as well.